Who is Dr. Mary Bowles? 
I am more than just a Doctor of Psychology, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Certified Clinical Neuropsychotherapist, a Rapid Resolution Therapist (RRT), and a certified Reconsolidation of Traumatic Memories Clinician. I am also a very happily married wife and mother with a grown blended family. I am the founder and president of MindWise Institute which focuses on brain-based change for individuals and relationships.
My research, therapy, and coaching interests always fall on helping improve people's lives and on helping relationships be successful. My approach is always brain-based. I help my clients understand how to work with the brain and not against it. I have extensive training in Neuropsychotherapy and Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB). Science is my hobby and I incorporate it into every corner of my life. I have special interests in family systems, memory formation and change (memory reconsolidation), trauma and relationships touched by divorced, and blended families. All people are affected by both to some degree. I wasn't driven to this field of work to fix myself. I was driven to this field of work because I am a child therapy and marriage therapy success story (yes, even though my 1st marriage ended in divorce). That doesn't mean I always loved therapy. In fact, as a child I hated going. As an adult, I at least appreciated the relief I felt by discovering options I couldn't see without finding different ways to look at things. Over time I was able to see my thinking, feelings, and behaviors change. Looking back I'd say some of the most valuable lessons I learned from therapy were, "I have ZERO control over any other person, I don't always get to be comfortable, and I ALWAYS have choices and responsibility for those choices." I'll challenge all my clients to accept these lessons if they need them, but each client will have individual needs we'll focus on. |
Curriculum Vitae
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My philosophy is that people do the best they can with the skills they have available to them at any point. I want to help my clients increase their available skill set. I believe people improve by learning WHY they think, feel, and behave the way they do. When we understand the WHY and find ways to share the WHY, we gain opportunities for personal and relationship growth. I believe one of the most important skills a person can learn is the ability to balance emotion (feelings) with logic, beginning with how emotion and logic affect one another...
An example: Let's say two people (Sue & Barb) suddenly begin arguing over the color of this word. Sue says it's aqua. Barb says it's turquoise. Would either be wrong? Well let’s look at the logic...could either go back to 1st or 2nd grade and recollect exactly the moment when she learned the label for this certain color? Not very likely. So neither person can really argue over the facts behind the argument. Sure, they could look for some scientific evidence but that would be a whole other relationship topic to address. It's really more about the message underneath the argument right? So, this argument would more likely be founded in the emotion underlying the argument. Let me first clarify thoughts vs. feelings. Maybe it's the fact that each thinks she is being told by the other woman, "You are stupid." This is a thought (a full sentence: She/he thinks I'm stupid.) each is telling themselves about the argument. But really what bothers them most about that thought statement is the feeling (emotion) that underlies the statement; that he/she feels disrespected, embarrassed, sad, etc. (1 word: Because she thinks I’m stupid, I feel sad.). Now, back to logic...what if the thought statement is inaccurate (click here to learn about thinking errors). Perhaps, Sue is over-generalizing; assuming that because "Barb told me I was stupid once before, then she must be doing it again." This could be missing the accuracy of Barb’s argument...maybe Barb is only lightheartedly teasing Sue this time. So it was the negative meaning Sue has given to the argument that made it go sour. Really, this argument is not about the color at all. It's about how the person thinks about the argument. If Sue thinks Barb is just teasing, then the emotion underlying the argument may be giggly (yes, there are thousands of descriptive words for feelings). This is just one example of how arguments can end up going so wrong. Two skills to use are to: change the thoughts and/or clarify intent. Sometimes that means trusting…then we move on to that relationship lesson.
I hope this example is helpful for you. It's just a sample of the skills you can grow through therapy. And often, we'll even address how our brains perceive colors differently...so most of the time, both women would be correct!
If you have any questions at all please just give me a call! I hope if nothing else, you gained a new skill just by visiting my site! All my best to you and your family!
An example: Let's say two people (Sue & Barb) suddenly begin arguing over the color of this word. Sue says it's aqua. Barb says it's turquoise. Would either be wrong? Well let’s look at the logic...could either go back to 1st or 2nd grade and recollect exactly the moment when she learned the label for this certain color? Not very likely. So neither person can really argue over the facts behind the argument. Sure, they could look for some scientific evidence but that would be a whole other relationship topic to address. It's really more about the message underneath the argument right? So, this argument would more likely be founded in the emotion underlying the argument. Let me first clarify thoughts vs. feelings. Maybe it's the fact that each thinks she is being told by the other woman, "You are stupid." This is a thought (a full sentence: She/he thinks I'm stupid.) each is telling themselves about the argument. But really what bothers them most about that thought statement is the feeling (emotion) that underlies the statement; that he/she feels disrespected, embarrassed, sad, etc. (1 word: Because she thinks I’m stupid, I feel sad.). Now, back to logic...what if the thought statement is inaccurate (click here to learn about thinking errors). Perhaps, Sue is over-generalizing; assuming that because "Barb told me I was stupid once before, then she must be doing it again." This could be missing the accuracy of Barb’s argument...maybe Barb is only lightheartedly teasing Sue this time. So it was the negative meaning Sue has given to the argument that made it go sour. Really, this argument is not about the color at all. It's about how the person thinks about the argument. If Sue thinks Barb is just teasing, then the emotion underlying the argument may be giggly (yes, there are thousands of descriptive words for feelings). This is just one example of how arguments can end up going so wrong. Two skills to use are to: change the thoughts and/or clarify intent. Sometimes that means trusting…then we move on to that relationship lesson.
I hope this example is helpful for you. It's just a sample of the skills you can grow through therapy. And often, we'll even address how our brains perceive colors differently...so most of the time, both women would be correct!
If you have any questions at all please just give me a call! I hope if nothing else, you gained a new skill just by visiting my site! All my best to you and your family!
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