Yes, Please and Thank you
Teach by example; when you ask your child(ren) to do something, say "please" and "thank you." ~ Mary Bowles
Child & Adolescent Learning
When you catch yourself saying, “You should know better” to a child or adolescent, it’s a pretty good sign they DON'T “know better.” Have patience with children…their brains are not even fully developed until age 25. Keep their capabilities in context! Remember, they are not “little adults.” The younger they are, the more frustrating it can be working with them if you are unaware of their functional capacity. Children do not have the same brain function, verbal repertoire, or life experience in which to attach their learning. If you expect them to behave and respond the way you would like, every time, you probably need more training than they do. Be more explicit in your instructions to them each time and they'll get the hang of it. Support them through their mistakes (but don't fix the mistakes) and they'll learn even faster.
If you feel you had a hard life growing up, overcompensating in your parenting by being too permissive will offer you a hard life growing old. Balance your parenting style, by being demanding & firm, yet warm and friendly. Allow your children to struggle but be there to help them through those struggles (without fixing the problems). You'll end up with a stronger relationship with your children.
Even Youth can Make a Change
Parents: Watch this and listen as if it's directed at you...then show it to your kids!
He made this video before me...wheeeew! It's easier that way. Josh Shipp and I see things very much alike for some of the same reasons. Our message is the same, only I focus on sending parents the same message. Either way, every individual, young or old, can choose to change a relationship! Even children can choose.
What do you desire?
If you look for family cycles, good or bad, you will see them. When you gain awareness of those cycles, lives change and improve. If you want it, go get it...
"What makes you itch? What sort of a situation would you like?...I always ask the question, "What would you like to do if money were no object? How would you really enjoy spending your life?""
When somebody lies, instead of treating them like they committed murder, consider it a sign they have a problem they are unable to solve. Figure out the meaning of a lie and help solve the problem...the problem could be something with your relationship.
Mary Bowles, PsyD, abd, LMFT
My blog posts are just some of the bits of information I find useful for some or all of my clients.